1 00:00:01,635 --> 00:00:03,104 It's payday! 2 00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:04,614 And I'm not talking about the delicious 3 00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:06,807 little treat with nuts. 4 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:10,611 Han, not cool to brag about yourself. 5 00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:15,683 Here, Max, maybe you can use the money to buy a new attitude. 6 00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:17,251 "New attitude"? 7 00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:21,622 Isn't that the name of the boy band you're in? 8 00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:23,657 And Oleg, you'll notice i docked your pay 9 00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,826 'cause you didn't even come in yesterday. 10 00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:29,463 I told you, i was working from home. 11 00:00:29,497 --> 00:00:32,500 There you go, Earl. Don't spend it all in one place. 12 00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:36,404 You think you pay me enough to spend it in two places? 13 00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:41,709 Oh, my god, this is less than it cost me to get here today. 14 00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:44,312 And i walked. 15 00:00:44,345 --> 00:00:45,346 I know. 16 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:46,847 That's all i made? 17 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,483 What is this, "12 years a waitress"? 18 00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:54,422 With you it's more like "12 beers a shift." 19 00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:59,393 So many words, so little everything else. 20 00:00:59,427 --> 00:01:01,695 (peter bjorn and John) * ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh 21 00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,131 [cash register bell dings] 22 00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:06,500 * ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh * 23 00:01:15,643 --> 00:01:16,710 [thud] Man: Whoa! 24 00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,179 [Caroline gasps] Not the face! 25 00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:20,348 Not my beautiful face! 26 00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:21,615 Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. 27 00:01:21,649 --> 00:01:24,418 I warn you, i was in the nutcracker suite. 28 00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:25,853 What's that mean? This! 29 00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:26,886 [Groans] 30 00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:30,124 Don't worry Max, i handled it. 31 00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:35,196 Yeah, i just handled it too. That's my Booty call. 32 00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:37,531 Are you telling me you know him? 33 00:01:37,565 --> 00:01:38,866 No, i don't know him. 34 00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:42,270 He just comes over for sex on Tuesday nights. 35 00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:43,537 Do you need help up? 36 00:01:43,571 --> 00:01:46,240 Not yet, I'm still crying a little. 37 00:01:47,408 --> 00:01:48,509 Okay, up you go. 38 00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:49,577 Walk it off. 39 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:50,578 [Groans] 40 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,713 Yeah, i bet that hurts. 41 00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:56,350 Nice going Caroline. You ruined the best part. 42 00:01:56,384 --> 00:01:59,620 Hi, I'm Caroline, the roommate and prima ballerina. 43 00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:02,223 Sorry about your sugar plums. 44 00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:03,224 Sebastian. 45 00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:04,892 Ba-ba-ba! No names! No names! 46 00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:06,927 Uh, Caroline, you want a soda? 47 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:10,364 We have soda? 48 00:02:10,398 --> 00:02:12,200 No, we don't have soda! 49 00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:14,168 Why are you asking him his name? 50 00:02:14,202 --> 00:02:16,246 He doesn't wanna know my name and i don't wanna know his. 51 00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:18,606 Hey, mind if i use your bathroom? 52 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,808 I need to check on the boys. 53 00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:22,810 See if they're girls. 54 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:28,482 How do you not know the name of the guy you're intimate with? 55 00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:30,551 "Intimate"? 56 00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:31,961 Max, there are certain things you have to know 57 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:35,756 about the guy you're engaging in sexual congress with. 58 00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:39,260 Only you can make sex boring. 59 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:42,896 Well, not too bad. 60 00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:45,633 One's okay and the other one left on crutches. 61 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:46,800 Later. 62 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,302 Sebastian, wait. 63 00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:49,670 This is Max black. 64 00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,505 Max, this is Sebastian. 65 00:02:51,539 --> 00:02:52,940 Nice to meet you, Max. 66 00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:55,343 Yeah, nice to meet you too. 67 00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:58,279 And you can just call me what you usually do. 68 00:02:58,312 --> 00:03:00,381 "Oh, god." 69 00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,355 Hey is that a new shirt, Earl? 70 00:03:07,388 --> 00:03:12,660 Why, yes it is, Max. I just got it in 1987. 71 00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:15,663 [Text message ding] 72 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,465 Oh, great! Look at this text. 73 00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:21,535 It's from the guy whose sperm count you lowered. 74 00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:23,871 His name is Sebastian. 75 00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:26,006 Oh, he's inviting you to come see him dj. 76 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,509 Oh, damn it! I told you i didn't wanna know anything 77 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:31,945 about him, and now i know he's a dj. 78 00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:36,417 Which means he unemployed, so points for that. 79 00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:38,519 So what are you gonna text him back? 80 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:39,720 Nothing! 81 00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:41,265 The only back-and-forth i want from this guy 82 00:03:41,289 --> 00:03:44,458 is on his back and for the fourth time. 83 00:03:44,492 --> 00:03:46,360 The best sex is secret sex. 84 00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:50,364 Then maybe don't talk about it while I'm eating. 85 00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,568 Well, i have a sexy secret. 86 00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:56,304 A crush on a girl. 87 00:03:56,337 --> 00:03:57,805 Oleg, we all know it's me. 88 00:03:57,838 --> 00:04:01,742 That sweat-pant salute never lies. 89 00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:03,877 Not you. Don't kid yourself. 90 00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:06,914 You couldn't handle this beast in the sheets. 91 00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:10,318 I could totally handle you in the sheets, Oleg. 92 00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:12,920 What are you fighting for, Caroline? 93 00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:19,026 Hey, everybody! 94 00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:20,794 All right, weather report: 95 00:04:20,828 --> 00:04:25,466 I just came back from a date and it's raining losers out there. 96 00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:29,002 There's my sexy, sexy, secret crush. 97 00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:31,572 Who, Sophie? Not so secret. 98 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:36,043 You two have already done it in every public space in Brooklyn. 99 00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:39,780 Yeah, and your apartment, twice. 100 00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:42,750 What? We didn't even wake you! 101 00:04:46,354 --> 00:04:48,556 Sophie, baby, 102 00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:50,558 I've been looking for the perfect woman 103 00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:54,828 and it turns out, what i want is in my own back door. 104 00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:56,997 Backyard. 105 00:04:57,030 --> 00:05:00,734 I think you're both right. 106 00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:02,770 I hear your truck pull up. 107 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:07,875 But I'm not sure i wanna sign for your package anymore. 108 00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,810 I knew you were going to say that. 109 00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:12,746 So as a reminder, I've created a sizzle reel 110 00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:15,449 of our best sex. 111 00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:19,687 So it's an stdvd? 112 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,722 It's the extended version. 113 00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:24,091 Uncut, as you know. 114 00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:29,430 That's it, cancel my brownie! 115 00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:30,464 Sizzle reel? 116 00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:34,935 I'll watch it tonight while i eat my fajitas. 117 00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:36,970 [Text message dings] 118 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,106 Max, you just got another text from Sebastian. 119 00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:41,008 Who? 120 00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:43,777 Please, can we go to the club to see him dj, Max? 121 00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:44,912 I wanna dance. 122 00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:46,089 The last time i shook my Booty 123 00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:48,949 was when we ran out of toilet paper. 124 00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:56,023 Max, thank you so much for taking me dancing. 125 00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:58,025 Well, you signed that paper that said if i did, 126 00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,594 you'd do the side work for the next six months. 127 00:06:00,628 --> 00:06:02,029 Are you sure this is the address 128 00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:03,997 of the club Sebastian gave you? 129 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,866 Who? 130 00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:07,167 Sebastian! 131 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,471 This can't be the address. It's a whole foods. 132 00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:11,605 I know what it is. 133 00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:14,141 I can smell the cage-free body odor. 134 00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:17,144 Let's just go in, ask someone if they know where the club is, 135 00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:20,581 and maybe rip a grape off a stem... I'm starving. 136 00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:24,985 Whole foods, wow. 137 00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:28,489 Reminds me of when i was a whole person. 138 00:06:28,522 --> 00:06:32,159 Max, we can start looking for the club. 139 00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:34,194 All right, all right. 140 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:38,566 I'm gonna lay down some beats while you check out our beets. 141 00:06:38,599 --> 00:06:40,033 Organic! 142 00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:43,170 See? 143 00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:45,506 This is why i didn't want to know anything! 144 00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:47,708 You ask a guy his name and you find out 145 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:51,011 he's dj'ing next to radishes. 146 00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:54,114 And what kind of loser comes here to dance? 147 00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:57,585 * 148 00:06:57,618 --> 00:06:59,052 Woot! Woot! 149 00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:00,921 Holla! 150 00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,957 And i don't mean the kosher bread! 151 00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:11,499 Oh, no. How did you find me here? 152 00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:15,002 Whole foods is my sexy secret. 153 00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:16,937 You know what's not a secret? 154 00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:20,007 The organic preparation h in that basket. 155 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:23,677 Whole foods is where i come to get my groove on. 156 00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:27,247 Why? Is Chuck E. Cheese closed? 157 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,050 As much as I'd love to see what else you're gonna buy 158 00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:32,820 to rub on your butt, we're leaving 159 00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:34,221 before that dj sees me. 160 00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:37,758 You mean dj fresh-and-local? 161 00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:42,830 The music be bumpin' and we buyin' pumpkins! 162 00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:46,600 Let's go. I can't believe i wore these for this. 163 00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:55,008 Wake up. 164 00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:58,879 It's Tuesday, and the dj didn't come. 165 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:03,250 Maybe he just drank too much. 166 00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:05,519 No! He didn't show at all. 167 00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:10,758 There's no dj fresh-and-local in my ones and twos. 168 00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:12,125 Well, what did you expect? 169 00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:13,994 You ran out of there without even saying "hi." 170 00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:16,263 We should've stayed at the club. 171 00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:19,833 Stop calling it a club! 172 00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:22,736 He DJs at a supermarket, 173 00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:25,606 which is the lamest thing I've ever seen, 174 00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:26,974 not counting the time 175 00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,709 you tried to bring back the phrase 176 00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:30,878 "oh, no, you didn't." 177 00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:33,681 I'm surprised at you. 178 00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:35,816 What if i judged you for some of your jobs? 179 00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:38,285 Uh, bar-back slash captain of a shrimp boat 180 00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:42,022 in the Gulf of Mexico isn't the bomb? 181 00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:44,658 What about when you worked at the gap? 182 00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:47,828 Who told you about the gap? 183 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:51,632 You, that time you were drunk, folding a sweater, 184 00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,276 and you tried to help me "spring into summer" 185 00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:55,903 with cargo shorts. 186 00:08:55,936 --> 00:09:00,741 Fine! I fell into the gap. I needed the money. 187 00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:03,076 Maybe Sebastian needs the money, too. 188 00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:04,311 Who? 189 00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:07,047 [Knock at door] 190 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,182 And if you ever tell anyone about the gap, 191 00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:11,819 you will have a gap between your neck 192 00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:13,887 and where your head used to be. 193 00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:16,890 "Oh, no you didn't." 194 00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:22,896 Hey, i wasn't sure if it was too late to come by 195 00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:27,801 but the ouija board said, "go ahead, the girls are up!" 196 00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:30,704 You use that? 197 00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:32,973 The only spirit i listen to is 2-buck-Chuck, 198 00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:36,176 and he mostly tells me to take my top off. 199 00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:39,012 Yeah, ouija helps me make all my big decisions. 200 00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:44,351 Like coming to America, adopting a Chinese orphan, 201 00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:48,088 and leaving a Chinese orphan at the fire station. 202 00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:51,224 Those boards are creepy. 203 00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:52,826 You never know what you're inviting in. 204 00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:55,162 I mean, what if we open a hellmouth? 205 00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:57,798 Aw, come on, girls, look around. 206 00:09:57,831 --> 00:10:00,000 I mean, you already have. 207 00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:05,338 Okay, now shh. Okay... 208 00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:07,708 Ouija, 209 00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:10,911 should i take Oleg back? 210 00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:18,085 Yes? 211 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:19,820 Oh, now, see, that is creepy 212 00:10:19,853 --> 00:10:24,725 because i was shoving it to "no". 213 00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:26,827 Do you want to get back with him? 214 00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,829 Well, I'm torn. 215 00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,964 And also, i don't know what to do. 216 00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:35,435 [Dance music plays] 217 00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:39,740 Throw your hands in the air like you just don't Kale. 218 00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:41,274 * 219 00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:43,744 Max, I'm proud of you for overlooking his job 220 00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:45,779 and giving this guy a chance. 221 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,382 He's making a dj face. I'm out. 222 00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,821 Oh, my god, Dylan. 223 00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:55,455 No, we can't leave now. 224 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,991 I just saw this girl, and she is the last person 225 00:10:58,025 --> 00:10:59,226 i want to see. 226 00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:00,360 What is the problem? 227 00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:01,862 It's hilary waldare. 228 00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:02,906 We went to wharton together. 229 00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:04,164 So competitive with me. 230 00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:06,166 Loved it when i lost all my money. 231 00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:07,376 She even threw a party to celebrate 232 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:10,871 and then had the nerve to invite me. 233 00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:13,040 Worst party ever, by the way. 234 00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:16,343 Uh, worse than being at a dance club 235 00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:18,411 that has a price club? 236 00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:21,949 Max black in the house of grain. 237 00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:25,919 And now he saw me. 238 00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:28,055 Well, I'm gonna go hide before she sees me. 239 00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:31,191 I'll be in tom's shoes. Nobody's ever over there. 240 00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:38,231 I'm bustin' out some free range electronic dance music. 241 00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:39,199 That's right! 242 00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:41,368 I'm bringing it in my own bag. 243 00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:44,337 * 244 00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:45,806 Uh, okay, we good? 245 00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:47,007 See you next Tuesday. 246 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,176 Come on, stay. What's your hurry? 247 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:52,746 I can't watch any more people dance-shop. 248 00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:53,857 Max, come on. Get in front of me. 249 00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:55,215 See what you can do. 250 00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:59,019 Oh, you're behind me this time... that's new. 251 00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,487 All right, everybody, 252 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:03,857 frisee, 'cause we got a special guest dj 253 00:12:03,891 --> 00:12:05,092 in the hizzay 254 00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:08,161 who's so hot it's radicchio. 255 00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:11,498 Go on. 256 00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:13,867 Bob, I'd like to bid $1.00. 257 00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:16,236 $1.00, Bob, $1.00. 258 00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:18,939 Have your pets spayed or neutered. 259 00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:22,275 Speaking of neutered pets, here comes han. 260 00:12:22,309 --> 00:12:25,278 Still counts as a dj shout-out. 261 00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:27,314 Hey, why wait till Tuesday? 262 00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:30,117 Why don't i take a break and we can go in the back. 263 00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:32,252 I just need to find someone to cover me. 264 00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:35,288 Someone bogarted all the nut butter. 265 00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:39,292 How about half of someone? 266 00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:50,938 Can i help you, miss? 267 00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:52,272 Max? 268 00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:54,007 What are you doing? 269 00:12:54,041 --> 00:12:57,144 I'm thirsty, broke, and they cut me off at the free lemonade. 270 00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:58,411 What are you doing? 271 00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,113 Well, two dudes were getting it on 272 00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:02,916 in the family restroom, so... 273 00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:04,484 Where's Sebastian? 274 00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:05,318 Who? 275 00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:07,387 Oh, milk. Bottom shelf. 276 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,492 What's up? 277 00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:18,298 You're not doing it in the dairy case! 278 00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:22,069 Uh, no I'm not, 'cause you won't go away. 279 00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:24,537 Do you have to ruin sex everywhere? 280 00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:27,307 Well, Max, if i wasn't lactose intolerant 281 00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:30,243 before, i am now. 282 00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:35,215 Oh, my god, Caroline Channing! 283 00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:37,885 Hi! It's hilary waldare. 284 00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:40,553 Oh, my god! Hi! Hi! 285 00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:43,290 I haven't seen you since your party. 286 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:46,526 Someone said you left crying. How are you? 287 00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:49,596 I'm great! I mean, I'm shopping at whole foods, 288 00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:53,033 buying some organic fuel that I'll probably take 289 00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:57,070 a couple sips of in spin class and then throw away, so... 290 00:13:57,104 --> 00:13:59,572 Oh, good, 'cause i heard you were still poor 291 00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:02,542 and that you were working as a waitress. 292 00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:04,878 A waitress? 293 00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:06,579 That is insane. 294 00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:11,985 That is so insane it should be in an ice tub in an asylum. 295 00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:14,955 I'm so glad you're great, because when i saw you 296 00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:19,626 in those three-year-old Louboutins, i got worried. 297 00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:22,329 Also, you have an orange juice mustache. 298 00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:30,637 Oh. Where's Max? 299 00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:32,272 Milk. 300 00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:35,508 Max, listen... Busy! 301 00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:37,510 Hilary's still here. 302 00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:39,980 And she called me a waitress. How dare her. 303 00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:42,282 She humiliated me, and i didn't even get 304 00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:45,618 a party this time. I'm going home. 305 00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:48,588 (Store manager) Hilary waldare, report to register three. 306 00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:50,623 Oh, my god! Did he just say... 307 00:14:50,657 --> 00:14:53,226 (store manager) Hilary waldare. Register three. 308 00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:55,195 He did! Oh, my god! Max! 309 00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:56,563 Busy! 310 00:14:58,265 --> 00:15:00,133 What? Do you wanna just join us? 311 00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:04,237 Hilary waldare works here, as a cashier! 312 00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:05,538 So i win! 313 00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:07,941 Everyone knows on the job humiliation chain, 314 00:15:07,975 --> 00:15:11,979 it goes: Prostitute, hostess, waitress, 315 00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:15,682 cashier, Princess Jasmine in the Disney electric light parade. 316 00:15:15,715 --> 00:15:17,384 What happened to not looking down 317 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:20,020 on other people with crappy jobs? 318 00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:21,521 Oh please, this is real. 319 00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:24,657 Now if you'll excuse me, i have got $14 320 00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:26,493 burning a second hole in my pocket, 321 00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:29,329 and I'm gonna spend it here at register three. 322 00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:33,300 [Sebastian moans] 323 00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:34,701 Whoo! 324 00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:38,038 What, you couldn't wait for me? 325 00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:51,084 This goes out to Kelly in prepared foods. 326 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:52,619 The Kelly with the cystic acne, 327 00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:56,223 not the Kelly with the bald spot. 328 00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:59,359 Now, where my Adele-heads at? 329 00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:05,098 I'm glad you have no line, 'cause i have an exclusive 330 00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,342 private yoga class to get to... 331 00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:09,069 Oh, hilary! 332 00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:10,337 Yes, Caroline. 333 00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:12,339 I am a cashier. 334 00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:14,174 I'm sorry, a what? 335 00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:16,043 I'm a cashier. 336 00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:18,778 Yeah, turns out things aren't great. 337 00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:22,415 My husband left me for my dad. 338 00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:25,252 And they didn't even cut me in on the lifetime movie rights. 339 00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:30,190 It's on in January... Father is the bride. 340 00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:32,092 Let me just weigh your salad. 341 00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:35,028 Well, I'm sure you'll pull yourself together like i did. 342 00:16:35,062 --> 00:16:38,498 'Cause I'm kind of killing it, life-wise. 343 00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:42,202 That'll be $28. 344 00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:44,371 There's only $14 here. 345 00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:47,707 $28 for a salad? 346 00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:50,410 Well, that's dinosaur Kale. 347 00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:51,778 Oh! Mistake. 348 00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:53,646 Didn't want the dinosaur Kale. 349 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,782 Never liked dinosaurs and really don't like them 350 00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:57,384 in my Kale. 351 00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:59,386 Dinosaur Kale gone. 352 00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:02,422 You're just putting it on the counter? 353 00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,226 Oh, i don't usually shop for myself. 354 00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:09,462 Is that not how it's done? 355 00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:13,433 Caroline, do you not have enough money? 356 00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:18,705 No, hilary, i have enough money. 357 00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:23,042 I just don't know why i have so many eggs. 358 00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:29,182 Here. You're holding up the line. 359 00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:30,656 You obviously don't have enough money 360 00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:33,486 to pay for your salad. 361 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:34,854 Sad. 362 00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:37,224 I don't know what you're implying. 363 00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:40,860 Oh! Here is my very successful business partner. 364 00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:44,097 Sorry it took so long. I couldn't find my pants. 365 00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:47,700 I don't know how they made it all the way to the loading dock. 366 00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:49,802 Face it Caroline, you came here to humiliate me 367 00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:51,838 and you can't even afford that egg. 368 00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:54,607 On your face. 369 00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:59,512 Miss, did you drop this $20 bill? 370 00:17:59,546 --> 00:18:01,648 Yes! Yes i did! 371 00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:04,151 I dropped some money, too. 372 00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:06,386 Don't push it. 373 00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:07,596 Thank you, sir. This is very kind of you 374 00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,756 and i really appreciate it. 375 00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:11,558 Anything for my favorite waitress. 376 00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:12,792 [Gasps] 377 00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:17,297 Oh, i knew you were a waitress. 378 00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:19,766 Your store sucks! 379 00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:22,635 I just had sex in your dairy department. 380 00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:25,605 Keep the change. 381 00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:28,107 And buy your dad-husband a wedding gift. 382 00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:38,885 Okay, one more time. 383 00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:41,854 Ouija, should i be with Oleg? 384 00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:46,759 15 out of 15 yeses. 385 00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:50,197 That's still unclear. 386 00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:51,130 Sophie, this is silly. 387 00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:53,566 You know you two wanna get back together. 388 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:57,270 Caroline, we already have the ouija board. 389 00:18:57,304 --> 00:18:59,572 We don't need another thing around here that's flat 390 00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:03,443 and wrong all the time. 391 00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:08,515 Fine. Sophie, if it's not me, after all I've offered you, go. 392 00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:13,286 Ask the spirits who the man you are supposed to be with is. 393 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:17,924 Ouija, please spell out the name of the man 394 00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:21,628 that I'm supposed to be with. 395 00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:24,664 Oh, look, it's moving. 396 00:19:24,697 --> 00:19:30,303 "V," "a," "n,"... 397 00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:33,940 This is what the world was like before the Internet. 398 00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:37,977 "K," "o." 399 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,546 "Vanko." 400 00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:41,948 Vanko? Yeah, that sounds cute. 401 00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:44,251 Yeah, i like it... I'm sorry, Oleg. 402 00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:45,818 The spirits have spoken. 403 00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:48,721 I'm supposed to be with someone named vanko. 404 00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:50,823 And they know the best. 405 00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:53,660 So you're supposed to be with someone named vanko? 406 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:56,596 Mm-hmm. 407 00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:07,740 "Vanko Oleg golishevsky"? 408 00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:12,579 I go by my middle name 'cause there were seven other 409 00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:16,516 vankos in my family. 410 00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:20,453 But i didn't even know that. 411 00:20:20,487 --> 00:20:23,990 Yeah, that means the ouija is... 412 00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:26,726 Oh, uh... 413 00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:29,896 Ohh... Yeah... 414 00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:32,799 Oh, no, no, vanko. No! 415 00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:34,734 I... No, i... 416 00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:37,337 We can... you and i can get back together, okay? 417 00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:40,473 But i just can't be here right now. 418 00:20:40,507 --> 00:20:43,009 No, i mean, this is just too damn spooky! 419 00:20:43,042 --> 00:20:44,877 [Shrieks] 420 00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:48,648 I can't wait to tell my brothers, 421 00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:50,917 vanko and vanko, about this. 422 00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:54,487 Ah, ah, ah... 423 00:20:54,521 --> 00:20:58,425 Word on the street is you've been talking some smack 424 00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:00,360 about cashiers.